Monday, 28 July 2008

Ought to go on strike

I need to stop shopping like a mad woman. I actually made a serious effort to go on shopping strike for real last week. In order to create a good source of motivation (as if spending way too much money wasn't enough), I suggested a bet to a friend. I will spare you the details of the stupid affair, but there we were, a couple of days later, arguing our butts off over the stupid bet and its consequences. Well, to be totally honest, I did most of the arguing, but there it is. Needless to say, the conditions of the bet were not exactly defined, nor did I think beforehand that the whole thing could turn into a big mess and actually pose a threat to our friendship. Well, one thing led to another, my friend lost the bet on purpose, I got angry and lost my effort levels, and bought shoes to make myself feel better.

Well, they are great shoes, and I do feel better now. The shoes are so pretty, plus me and my friend seem to be on speaking terms again. I also got this dress:

This dress will go for any occasion just as it is, with either flats or heels, dressed up or down, but I also I think it will look great in the winter too, with black tights, a long-sleeved t-shirt underneath, and a pair of fabulous high-heeled boots.

This is what I wore today:


I love the way Masa is casually hanging out like this in the living room, with his front paws tucked under his chest.

15 comments:

Minni said...

Absolutely beautiful! The dress is definitely worth the fight ;-)) and the shoes...!

a cat of impossible colour said...

Gorgeous shoes! And cat. :)

Amy G said...

I'm glad you both got past your differences, and what a lovely pair of shoes to come out of it!

K.Line said...

Those shoes are amazing...

tokyobanhbao said...

as i said in your flickr i love this outfit and all the others , you really have great sense of style...

beccajanie said...

excellent shoes. Sometimes you really just need them, bet or no bet.

Anonymous said...

Great finds, as always! I love, too, when kitties sit like this...I don't know how that could be comfortable, I cannot sit on my hands for more than a moment! :) I also love when they sleep curled in a ball, with their tail sweeping around to cover their noses! Actually, almost any repose a kitty can fall into is graceful and lovely!! :) Chris

Anonymous said...

I love the dress!

-H

Iztvan said...

Työtoverini (kahden tyttökissan omistaja) kommentoi nähdessään Masan kuvan: "Ihana kissa". Esitelin hänelle myös Illusian. Lämmintä kesän jatkoa :)

esme and the lane way said...

They really are very pretty shoes.

Anonymous said...

Good evening, Waves. Illusia is soo beautiful...in this picture she looks as though she has been knitted from the most beautiful and fine mulit-colour wool yarn. Your kitties look soo at home, and comfortable and happy...you have saved two kitties, and provided them with a happy, safe home, which is a marvelous thing (for all involved). And kitties--pets--do have a way of grounding us, and making us feel happy, and needed. I swear Waves a lot of the time any more all I want to do is come home and be with/take care of my kitties.
And that is basically what I want to say about your most recent post, 'On Feeling Guilty'. I struggled for the longest time with the concept of responsibility....I thought for a lot of my life that what is important is who we owe responsibility to....our bosses, dating partner, even family. I felt, as I suspect possibly you might, that we had to be a certain way...perform in a certain manner because of what we owed to other people, or because of the responsibility we felt as an obligation to them because of their positions in our lives. But I've realized in the last ten years---and been much happier for this realization---that what matters is not who we are responsible TO (and how we owe them responsibility), but rather who we are responsible for. When you are responsible to someone (and I think a dominant dating partner is a good example), we always are conscious of having to act a certain way (whether around them or their friends), and be a certain person (the person they demand, whether subtley or not, we be to fit the molds they create for us) to keep them satisified, or prevent them from criticizing us. When we are responsible for someone (your kitties are the perfect example; as would be a child; a kind,caring dating partner who needs a person of strength to fulfill them; or a relative who can no longer take care of themselves), and when the responsiblity is something we take on without regrets or fear (again your kitties), then their is no guilt...there is no submission to the dominant party. I would have said that if you were buying clothes---going on a number of sprees--because doing so made you truly happy, then there would never be any reason to feel guilt over your purchases (I would also bet that if any of the people you were refering to in your post were men, not a single one ever minded that the clothes you bought also happened to make you look beautiful... you have an inner beauty of course, and a natural physical beauty too, but the gilded frame is beautiful, as well). But if you are feeling guilty after your purchases, then perhaps it would be very wise to look into this more closely...is the guilt a residue of the way others have treated you in the past, or is it a way for your unconcious mind to tell you that something is wrong in your life now? If it's the former, then recognize this residue from the past and discard it...no one from the past can have a hold over you now unless you allow them to. If it is a reflection of something that is wrong right now, then try to see what this new problem is...if the spending is not hurting you financially, is there something you need to be doing in your life right now so that you can feel content...satisfied, guilt free? Maybe volunteering at an animal shelter, or nursing home...maybe comitting to spend an equal amount of money on charity each week (animal shelters need food, nursing homes can always benefit from donations of toiletries...or even time) as you do on clothes. I must tell you, Waves, you seem like a very fine person to me...I do not like the thought that others make you feel badly about yourself, for such insignificant things as how much you spend on dresses or shoes. I do not know who these people are (or have been) in your life, but I believe that anyone who truly cares about another person does not hurt them because they are able to. I have been struggling Waves with something in my own life...well, two things. My Mom is in a nursing home...she is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's...towards the end, and very ill. I am an atheist (this is the other thing--and it's the finality of death that I struggle over, not the possibility of there being a God), and this terrifies me...that the world can damage my most-loved Mother, and take her from her family (and this is happening to millions of families, in every part of the world). Seeing what she is going through, and the 40 or so other patients in her facility...after I've learned a bit to deal with the overwhelming sorrow, I have realized that we have just this one lifetime, this one shot at happiness. We are transient....temporary---and I don't mean that in a depressing, or worrying way...we have this one shot at life, and it is too short a time, and life is too beautiful a thing, to have others shackle us with their concepts of what our morality, or responsibilities should be. In 100 years it will not matter Waves, I promise you, whether or not you have 2 pairs of shoes, or 50. Please, do not let others make you feel guilty for the ways you have chosen to live your life. Who are they, that they can hurt you like this? Volunteer somewhere Waves...mentor a child at a local school--I have done this, and it is the most rewarding thing ever...I bring food weekly to an animal shelter near where I work...I have helped with bingo a number of times at a nursing home in my area. If it would help, make a donation of time to your community...then go out and buy that new dress you have your eye on, and do not worry at all about what others think. Take care of the beings you are responsible for, and don't let anyone who has ever been in your life try to make you feel badly about the responsibilities they think you have to them---or even the concepts of responsibility they think you have for yourself...you are the master of your own ship---you have the power as you say--and it is your life to lead as you see fit. You are a good, caring person---no one should make you feel anything else about yourself.
. And I think if you can stop this cycle of guilt, and become truly happy with who you are without worrying about what others think, that it will become self-evident to others that you are now at peace.
And again, Illusia is beautiful!!! I'm really happy you and the kitties have found each other :) Chris R.

ps--I'd meant to mention that I am sorry you and your friend had such a bad argument...I know that the worst argument I ever had with my best friend Debbie--with the most hurt feelings, and the longest period of resentment--was over one of the stupidest discussions two people have ever had...it's ridiculous now, in looking back, how serious this became, and how insignificant the topic was. I hope things will be 100% between you very, very soon.

Anonymous said...

I know comment is on the wrong entry Waves...it should be on the Guilty entry, but I was afraid my long message might be too personal, and I hoped no one (but you) would see it here in yesterday's comments section. :) CR

Anonymous said...

pps---and finally!!! :) You know, Waves, Masa and Illusia don't judge you, or make you feel guilty for having that new pair of shoes, or new dress...they are just happy you are home, and sharing time with them. And that's, perhaps, how it should be with the people in your life who truly care about you...they should not judge you for what you buy or spend, but should just be happy to be with you, and share time with you. CR

The Waves said...

Chris R.: A lot of what you wrote made me think about a lot of things (as usual), and there are certainly many things I feel like writing about. I think perhaps this comments section is not the best place for it though, so e-mail me at virginias.waves@gmail.com and I will get back to you (if you like, that is!).

Anonymous said...

Greetings Waves! Thank you for responding...I would love to discuss this, or any other topic with you. You are, intellectually, one of the most impressive people I have ever encountered...I would love to hear your thoughts on any of the thoughts I expressed in my comment. Do you know Waves, I hope you will forgive my saying this, but I have been worried about you lately; at times it has seemed to me that you have not been happy. If there is any way that corresponding with me might help you--if it would help you to have the perspective of another person--I would be very happy to be of assistance.
I would ask your forgiveness if I take just a few days to send you a note...my siblings live across the eastern part of the US, and my 2 sisters are coming to my home this weekend, so we can go visit my Mom at the nursing home (I am am a little over an hour away from where she is staying). And I have so many things to do tonight to prepare for their visit. If you would like to send me a letter--and please, I would gladly discuss anything that might be troubling you, that you feel you could talk over with me--here is my e-mail address:

morningtheft @ verizon.net

(please eliminate the spaces). Thank you again for writing, Waves...I had been worried that I was driving you crazy with all of my comments. :) I hope you are well, and I will write to you, at your e-mail address, very soon, I promise. Have a lovely weekend, sincerely, Chris