Friday, 31 December 2010

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We are on survival mode here, pretty much. From the day before Christmas (when Cassie was hospitalized) to Wednesday night when we had to let her go, I have been in a bit of a haze, trying to distract myself on the one hand, and then feeling guilty for trying to distract myself on the other. There has been an awful lot of crying, but also, little by little, moments of relief. Seeing a pet struggle is horrible, even more horrible than coming to terms with the fact that it is time for them to go. Cassie no longer responded to treatment, so I know we made the right decision to put her to sleep. That helps a little. Your kind comments have helped, too, and I appreciate your compassion more than I can express.

I don't know if it is just a coincidence, but since Cassie passed away, there have been subtle changes in the moods of our remaining six kitties. Blue, who shared the house with Cassie for eleven years, has seemed withdrawn, almost as if she feels a loss too. Audrey, Willow and Lyric are even more affectionate than usual. Masa, our feral tomcat, has become shockingly social all of a sudden. He jogs casually by my side when it's food time, he rolls on his back in my presence and plays with me. Who knows what's up with him, but to me it almost looks as if he has made a conscious decision to make a change.

Speaking of changes, as we move on to 2011, there are two things that will serve as New Year's resolutions of some kind.

1. I will stop procrastinating and start writing for real.

2. I will take better care of myself and start doing yoga again.

Happy New Year, everyone!


Cardigan: Urban Outfitters
Linen shirt: second hand / Valtteri flea market
Tee: Target
Cords: J Crew
Boots: Max%Co.
Butterfly necklace: vintage, JBL at Ruby Lane

4 comments:

Modesty is Pretty said...

Oh Waves, I know how it is to loose a loved pet, back when I was a teenager we had a dog that was as much part of the family as any person, she was with us for two years, so I can't imagine what 11 years must be like, all the pain...I do remember that when they had to put her to sleep (because a car ran over her) we were away for the summer in Mexico. When my mother gave us the horrible news my heart broke and we cried so much, ever since I've been afraid of getting another pet because it was so painful to loose her. So I understand how painful it can be, but at the same time I never had a loved pet for such a long time. I hope that all the family (you two and the kitties) can find some peace after this great loss. God bless you all.

Charlotte said...

Animals do grieve the loss of their house-mates. It's hard to imagine that cats even notice one another, they can be so aloof. Perhaps your feral one will allow you to come closer now.

Warm wishes to you, Waves.

Cynthia said...

Cats definitely react when a friend dies. I got Murray very soon after my oldster (Mharnu) lost his best friend (Pearl) to early renal failure. Mharnu just looked so sad and lost that I thought he needed someone new to think about, and the two of them bonded. Now Mharnu is close to his end, and I see Murray trying harder to make friends with the two younger cats. They are very feeling creatures and they need their friends.

Eyeliah said...

aww I'm so sorry Tiia!