We are on survival mode here, pretty much. From the day before Christmas (when Cassie was hospitalized) to Wednesday night when we had to let her go, I have been in a bit of a haze, trying to distract myself on the one hand, and then feeling guilty for trying to distract myself on the other. There has been an awful lot of crying, but also, little by little, moments of relief. Seeing a pet struggle is horrible, even more horrible than coming to terms with the fact that it is time for them to go. Cassie no longer responded to treatment, so I know we made the right decision to put her to sleep. That helps a little. Your kind comments have helped, too, and I appreciate your compassion more than I can express.
I don't know if it is just a coincidence, but since Cassie passed away, there have been subtle changes in the moods of our remaining six kitties. Blue, who shared the house with Cassie for eleven years, has seemed withdrawn, almost as if she feels a loss too. Audrey, Willow and Lyric are even more affectionate than usual. Masa, our feral tomcat, has become shockingly social all of a sudden. He jogs casually by my side when it's food time, he rolls on his back in my presence and plays with me. Who knows what's up with him, but to me it almost looks as if he has made a conscious decision to make a change.
Speaking of changes, as we move on to 2011, there are two things that will serve as New Year's resolutions of some kind.
1. I will stop procrastinating and start writing for real.
2. I will take better care of myself and start doing yoga again.
Happy New Year, everyone!
Cardigan: Urban Outfitters
Linen shirt: second hand / Valtteri flea market
Cords: J Crew
Butterfly necklace: vintage, JBL at Ruby Lane